Beauty and The Pig
by Sadie Dragonfire
Summary: Welcome to a magical land and hear the tale of four um...sisters! [Ranma/Beauty&Beast Xover, YAOI Ranma/Ryoga]
1. Tell me a fable

  
**Beauty And the Pig: A Fractured Fairy Tale**   
**Warnings:** This story contains yoai, crossdressing, massive amounts of OOC, self-inserts, and very bad jokes. If any of this offends you, please feel free to leave now.  
**Disclaimer:** I don't own Ranma 1/2 or Beauty and the Beast, nor am I making any money off this fanfic.  
**Pairing:** Ranma/Ryoga 

**Notes:** A crossover of Ranma 1/2 and Beauty and the Beast. I am not using the Disney version, I am, however, taking many liberties with the story to make it funnier and to blend it better with Ranma.  


___________________ 

(Scene: A comfy looking living room with a couch and an armchair. On the back wall hangs a picture scroll of the Ranma 1/2 cast. The view wobbles and suddenly slides down to show the cream colored carpet. There is a brief, but violent spurt of cursing and camera is straightened, though still at a slight angle. From off to the side you can hear a fight.) 

Voice Off Screen: I said get out there!! 

(A young woman is thrown out onto the set and falls over the armchair. Grumbling, she pulls herself up. You see that she has reddish brown hair, freckles, and hazel eyes. She is also wearing Duo-chan footie pajamas' and has a Sailor Saturn plushie tucked under one arm. She looks over to the right.) 

Girl:*to someone off screen* I'll get you for that, neechan. 

(She turns and notices the camera. Smiling slightly, she sits on the couch.) 

Girl: Hi there! I'm Hope and I'm here being tortured by my big sister. *mutters* I mean, were the PJ's _really_ necessary? 

(Another woman joins Hope on the set. She is a few years older, her hair is more brown and her eyes are blue, but she has the same freckles as Hope. She is wearing a nightgown with a line of chibi-Sazaku Seishi chasing each other around the hem and is carrying a hard cover book. She settles herself in the armchair.) 

Sadie: *to Hope* Yes, the jamies are necessary. *to camera* Hello, nice of you all to come. I think you know me, and you've met my imouto-chan. 

(Hope is making faces at the camera. Sadie sighs and hits her over the head with the book.) 

Hope: Itai!! 

Sadie: Baka. *cough* Anyway, we are all here today to enjoy a unique telling of "Beauty and the Beast" using the character's from Ranma 1/2. 

Hope: *rubbing her head* Ooh…original, neechan. 

Sadie: *growling* Shut up. 

Hope: Make me. 

Sadie: I simply refuse to descend to your level of childishness. So there. *sticks out tongue* 

(Hope reacts to this by inserting both fingers in her mouth, stretching out her lips and extending her own tongue. A brief tongue war ensues and is cut off when a shoe is thrown at the pair and bounces of each head before hitting the ground.) 

Sadie: Owie.....Who did that? 

Hope: *looking at shoe* Hey, this is mine! Who's been in my room?? 

New Voice Off Screen: Will you two get on with it? 

Sadie: Fine, fine. *she glares at her sister warningly and opens the book* My story begins in a village far, far away, and in this village there were four sisters..... 

Hope: Isn't it supposed to be three? 

___________________ 

Each of the four sisters was special in their own way. Kasumi, the oldest, was a wonderful cook and could make a full seven course meal (complete with appetizers) for thirty people in ten minutes flat. Nabiki, the second born, was genius when it came to money and supported the whole family through overseas trading. Akane, the third born, was super strong and defeated all the local sports teams on a daily basis. But the most talented sister of all was the youngest, Ranma. 

~~~ 

Hope: RANMA?? Uh, neehcan, when this is over with I need to talk to you about the differences between boys and girls. 

Sadie: *sarcastic* You do that. 

~~~ 

Not only was Ranma a star martial artist, (some said the best in the world) he was also the best dresser in the entire village. All ready, his wall was covered with awards from beauty contests and the like. Sadly, Ranma's father didn't appreciate this particular skill. 

"Please, please," the large, white gi clad man pleaded before his er...daughter, "I'm begging you! Wear MEN'S clothing!!" 

Oh....did I forget to mention he was the best **cross** dresser in the village? 

~~~ 

Hope: Uhhh.... 

Sadie: Hey, I had to convert the curse _somehow_. And story does call for a girl-type person. 

~~~ 

Ranma frowned at his father and smoothed a wrinkle from his dress. "Why would I do that? Besides, pants don't show off my figure properly." 

Genma's eye twitched at the last comment, but he said nothing. With a deep sigh, he hefted his traveling pack. Ranma cocked his head curiously, then pulled out compact to check his make-up. Genma ignored him and called for his other daughters. "Kasumi! Nabiki! Akane!" 

A few minutes later, the three made their appearance. Akane is muttering under her breath. "I don't care _what_ she does to me, I refuse to call this man my father." She shook her head in a firm negative. 

Just then, there was a brief and sudden rainstorm, which for some reason only hit Akane. With in seconds, she was drenched to the skin and looking more then a little annoyed. "Okay, fine! Have it your way! I'll do it!" The rain stopped. Nabiki rolled her eyes, Kasumi smiled blankly, and Ranma checked his skirt to make sure it didn't get splattered with water. 

"Hai, otou-san!" the girls (the real ones) called in unison. Genma stood straight and beamed at his family. 

"Girls…and Ranma…I'm going to be going on a trip to the next town. I will be gone for a couple days. Is there anything you want me to get for you?" 

They looked thoughtful for a moment. 

"I need a new broom. Oh, and a dishpan." Kasumi requested sweetly. 

"I just need some basic office supplies. Here, I made a list," Nabiki pulled a rolled paper from her bodice and handed it over. "That should cover it. I could do inventory again, just to make sure." 

"Uh, no, that's okay." Genma assured her, sweatdropping. 

"Weights, a new mallet, and some pink stockings," Akane frowned at her um...sister, "Ranma tore my last pair." 

Genma gagged slightly and turned to his youngest child. "What do you want, Ranma?" He questioned in a rather squeaky voice. 

Ranma smiled warmly, his cheeks turning a delicate pink. "All I want is…a single red rose." Sunlight broke through the trees and surrounded him with a glowing halo of light. Bird sang beautifully into the summer air. 

"Flame." Akane muttered. Nabiki nodded in agreement. Kasumi thought what a nice day it was and my, the fence needing a scrubbing. Ranma death glared them all. Genma's eye twitch was back. 

"Maybe I could get you something nicer? More…more manly?" He suggested, hopefully. Ranma's glare darkened. 

"You get me the rose, old man, or you'll have to take off your shirt to go pee." His expression softened, "After all, you **are** my father and all fathers love their daughters, right touchan?" 

Genma swallowed a couple times and nodded. After a final check through to make sure he had everything, Genma left amid the happy calls and death threats of his beloved daughters…and Ranma. 

  
~~End part one   



	2. Finding the Rose

**Beauty and the Pig**

Part Two 

___________________ 

Genma gazed at the forrest around him with unease. This was not good. Akane, Kasumi, and Nabiki's gifts had been easy find (he'd even managed to get most of it at 'bargain' prices), Ranma's gift, however, was proving to be a much harder fish to fry. Everyone he had asked told him that roses didn't grow around here. Normaly, he would have given up at this, but Ranma's promised violence if he didn't bring home a red rose proved to be adequate encouragement. So he'd headed off into the great unknown. 

And promtly gotten lost. 

"Maybe I should have bought that map that guy was offering." Genma said to himself as he freed his shirt from a branch. Then he thought about the yen saved in not doing so and changed his mind. 

~~~ 

Sadie: That sounds like Genma, doesn't it? 

Hope: Well....kinda, in a 'not-Genma' sorta way.... 

Sadie: Your support is overwhelming. 

Hope: Glad to help. 

~~~ 

He continued to wander to for while, until he came upon a gate. The gate stood several meters tall and was made of wrought iron. Strange patterns twisted in the metal, resembling demons and alien plants that seemed to move in the shifting half-light of the forrest. Genma shivered slightly and noticed that the gate was open. Now, being the honest, hard-working, and respectable man that is, Genma took this as an invitation to come inside and steal something. So he did. 

Beyond the gate was a tall castle-like building, shrouded in the darkness of the trees. Occational beams of light broke through the trees and glimmered off razor sharp towers. Swallowing, Genma called out a few time to see if anyone was around. Hearing no anwser, he continued further in. 

Upon mounting the old, slightly crumbled steps, Genma found the front door open has well. 

"Very negligent here, this home owner." He spoke to himself, "Why anyone could just come in here and take something." 

~~~ 

Hope: You don't like Genma, do you? 

Sadie: Who? Me? What gave you that idea? 

(Another shoe flies onset, but both girls duck and it goes over their heads. There is a loud clamber to "stop interrupting!". The two respond maturely and stick out their tounges.) 

~~~ 

"Hello? Anyone there?" Genma shouted into the dark house. Again, there was no answer. He entered, noteing the fine furniture and carpets, the crystal chandelier and sliver candle sticks. Louder shouts still brought no people. Satisfied that the house was empty, Genma moved deeper in, looking for the dinning room or a bedroom. He found the dinning room first. 

Just has he had hoped, surrounding the massive oaken table were glass cupboards fillled with crystal glasses, fine porcelain, and sliver. Draws below the cases displayed gold and sliver flatware. With an eager noise, Genma started filling his pockets and the top of his gi. 

A loud *THUNK* disrupted his delight. Glancing down, his eyes widened to see a small spatula quivering in the wood flooring. He jumped back with a squeak, eyes scanning to see who had thrown it. There was no one. But there were more spatulas. A hail of them flew out of nothingness to land in a semi-circle around his feet. 

"Ghosts!!" Genma wailed. He decided flight was the best answer and ran screaming from the room. He headed for the nearest exite and soon found an open window that would work. Behing him he could hear the ocasional landing of another razor edged spatula. Genma hauled his large frame through the window in record time, losing only a few utensils along the way. Once outside, he froze in shock. 

He appeared to be in some sort of garden. And the entire place was covered in roses. They blanketed the ground or crawled over lattice fencing and appeared in every shade known to man and some not. There was pink, white, yellow, purple, orange, and blue roses. There were green roses and multi-colored ones, too. Some had hearts or bunnies all over them, others held the letters of the alphabet on each delicate petal. There was one cluster in a corner that showed the latest stock levels. 

But the most promient roses of all, were the red ones. Each was larger and more beautifull then the last and stood out like shinning suns amid all the other roses. Genma let out sigh of delight at the beauty. He realized that here was his sulotion to the Ranma problem, and quickly went about removing a red rose before the flying spatulas could return. He snapped the stem neatly and didn't seem to notice when the rose paled and wilted slightly. 

"Hold." Came a deep, rumbling voice that shuddered throughout Genma's body. He froze once more, hand tightening around the rose. "Turn around." 

Genma did slowly and nearly fainted at the sight the confronted him. The creature stood tall and daunting, an alien shadow in the brightness of the garden. The beast's small, beady eyes scowled at him down the length of its black snout. 

"What are you doing in my garden?" It demanded, the words ending in a slight grunt. 

"A-a-a-a r-r-rose," Genma stuttered, "F-f-f-for my d-d-daughter." The creature cocked its head and flapped one ear. 

"Just a rose?" 

"Y-yes!" Genma nodded franticly and thurst out the flower to show him. In doing so, a couple spoons fell from his sleeve. Genma winced. The beast seemed to draw itself up, angry energy flashing around it. 

"You come into my house to steal from me, then you lie about it!?!" It raged, voice rising to a ear-shattering squeal. Genma yelped and threw himself to the ground. 

"Forgive me, O' Great One! I thought the house was empty!!" He pleaded. 

The beast snorted and pawed at the ground, his hooved srcapping across the stones of the path. "That is no excuse! You will pay for your crime!" Genma whimpered and cowered futher against the ground, his shaking dislodgeing various items. 

"What me to handle 'im, boss?" A tomboyish, female voice asked. Genma glanced up, but could see no one except the beast. 

"Wait," the creature leaned down, "Didn't you say you had a daughter?" 

"Y-y-yes I did, O' Great One." 

"Know this then," the beast stated in a low, firm voice, "I will allow you to go free with the rose, and the other stuff, if you agree to send your daughter here to live with me forever." There were several startled gasps from the empty air around them. 

"My daughter?" Genma asked, amazed. Then he thought about the punishment he would face at the hands of this monster and the further punishment at the hands of his daughter/son should he return without the rose. He thought about it long and hard, for five seconds, before coming to his heart-wrenching decsion. 

"Sure, that sounds fair." 

~~~ 

Hope: *snicker* Real heart-wrenching there. *waits for Sadie to continue*........*waits longer*.......*and some more* Hey, Neechan! Keep reading!! 

Sadie: *snore* 

Hope: Or for the love of....someone get me some ice water! 

~~End part two 


	3. A father's duty

  
**Beauty And the Pig: A Fractured Fairy Tale**   
**Part Three**   
  
___________________ 

(Scene: same set as before, expect the armchair is looking rather damp. Sadie is gone and Hope is curled up in a corner of the couch playing with her Sailor Saturn doll.) 

Hope: *stabbing with the mini silence glaive* Take that you whinny little freaky! Ha! And there goes your egomaniac boyfriend! No more lame speeches! Whahahaha! 

(She continues to play adamantly with her doll. Sadie returns to the set, her hair is wet and tied into a ponytail and she's changed her nightgown. For some reason, the new one is mostly hidden behind digital black squares that follow her movements. Sadie raises an eyebrow at her sister's antics.) 

Sadie: You do know the camera is on, ne? 

(Hope jumps to her feet with a startled squawk and hides the doll behind her back, blushing. She turns to snap at her sister and her mouth falls open in shock. Sadie notices this and beams happily.) 

Sadie: Like my new Kuma Sutra nightie? 

Hope: Gah…*she moves closer to inspect the nightgown* Wow, would you look at that… 

(The camera view tilts wildly and slides down a few inches. This is followed by the heavy **thump** of a fallen body. The sisters look up.) 

Hope: I think you just gave the cameraman a nosebleed. 

Sadie: *shrugs* Won't be the first time. Now, on with the story! 

(Someone fixes the camera and there is the sound of a body being dragged away. Sadie starts to sit in the armchair but stops, finding it still wet. She joins her giggling sister on the couch and re-opens the book.) 

* * *

Ranma accepted the rose from his father with some shock. "You mean, you actually found one?" He gently touched one velvety petal and was delighted at its softness. His sisters gathered around to 'ooh' and 'ahhh' and try to take it from him. 

"Of course I found one!" Genma drew himself up, "You doubted your father?" 

Ranma tripped Akane as she made a lunge for the blossom. "Well, duh. Besides, roses don't grow around here for miles." He casually sidestepped Nabiki's tackle and send her colliding in Kasumi who was trying to convince a robin to let her re-make its nest. 

Genma started to shake. "You…mean…you…sent me…to get…something that…can't…" he broke off, stammering his rage. Ranma nodded calmly and ducked down; Akane went sailing over him to join Nabiki and Kasumi in a pile. 

"Sure, I just wanted to make you sweat a little." He beamed brightly at his father and shook his skirt free of dust. Genma snarled, hands curling into fists. Remembering the promise he had made, he forced himself to be calm. 

"Well, you succeeded in that, my child. But **I** succeeded as well." He coughed lightly and waited for Ranma's reply, hoping he gave the right one. 

"Looks like you did. So, old man, where'd find it?" Ranma tilted the rose this way and that in the light, wondering whether it would look better in his hair or attached to his bodice. Though, given the fights he engaged in on a regular basis, the delicate flower might be safer in a vase on the windowsill. 

"I'm glad you asked," Genma said with a rather unpleasant grin, "For I had a talk with the owner of that rose and I mentioned you. It _cough_ HE was quite delighted with what I had to say and wants to meet you." 

Ranma raised an eyebrow. "Oh, really? And what kind of man is his?" [A handsome prince, I hope,] He thought to himself. Though he would never admit it aloud to anyone, his greatest dream (besides becoming Miss Fairy-Tale Land) was to be the blushing groom to some handsome, noble prince. Or even a better-then-good-looking farm boy, _anything_ to get away from his crook father and psychotic sisters. 

"Oh, well he's, ah, tall and, um, dark oh, and definitely mysterious," Genma stammered, hoping it would work. Ranma still looked suspicious and the older man fished around in his mind for any other appealing phrases. Nabiki took that moment to speak. 

"If his so great, otou-san, why didn't you mention us three?" She shoot Ranma a 'look', "The real girls." 

"I did," Genma said hastily, more to divert his other daughter's wrath then anything else, "He only wanted Ranma." 

Little stars and flowers appeared around his youngest eh…daughter's head. "Really?" Ranma gushed, eyes wide and sparkly, "Just me?!" Baby bunnies hopped out from under bushes, flowers sprung up randomly, little bird flitted about, and cherry blossoms (can't forget the cherry blossoms) drifted around on the breeze. 

The rest of his family started having coughing fits; words like "flame", "drama queen", and "girlie man" being heard randomly. Ranma scowled and wished baby bunnies had attack modes. Recovering from his fit, Genma handed Ranma a somewhat battered map. 

"Here is the way to his home, just follow the red line." 

Shaking the map free of cherry blossoms, Ranma followed the red line with his eyes. "Its in the forest? Jeez, pop, you must have really gotten lost to find this place." 

Genma scowled, deep wrinkles appearing like a mountain range on his face. "Watch yourself. You have two days to get there before…" he paused. 

"Before?" 

"Before your invite runs out." Genma finished quickly, "He's a very busy man." 

"Ah." Ranma answered, satisfied. "Welp, I better go get packed." He gleefully skipped into the house, chased by the jealous glares of his sisters. 

~~~ 

Hope: *looking closely at Sadie's sleeve* My God, how _does_ he get into that position?!? 

~~~ 

Akane was the first to free herself from the pile. "Otuo-san!! This is so not fair!! How come that fa...." a still floating cherry blossom was sucked into her open mouth and Kasumi had to save her from choking to death. After heaving a few breaths, and shooting a baleful glare at the sky, she continued, "How come Ranma gets to meet with some prince and _we_ don't?" 

Genma favored his three most loved daughters with another less-than-pleasant grin, "He isn't exactly a prince…" He explained slowly. Soon, less-than-pleasant laughter filled the small yard. Except Kasumi's laugh, which was really pleasant; she was playing with the baby bunnies and not really listening. 

~~End part three 

___________________ 

Sorry if it seems I'm making Kasumi overly stupid, I just like writing her has an airhead. 


	4. Fist meeting

**Beauty And the Pig: A Fractured Fairy Tale**   
**Refer to part one for Warning and Disclaimer**

___________________ 

Ranma sighed deeply, holding the map to Mr. "Tall, Dark, and Mysterious" house in a patch of sunlight. The further he went into the forest, the darker it became. Harder for traveling, too, the narrow roadway becoming choked with debris and underbrush. He'd already torn his traveling skirt and just hopped he'd get a chance to change and freshen up before meeting the master of the house. 

Then he'd nearly gone crazy when he stopped to ask some strange old woman on a stick for directions. The old loony kept on pointing at trees and saying "You see that tree over there?" and when he said yes, she'd respond with "Well, that's not it." And then she would point at another tree or maybe a mountain or squirrel and repeat the whole thing over. It'd taken him nearly twenty minutes to get away. 

"Lets see…" he traced the red line with his finger. "I should be almost there." He rolled up the map, stuck it in his pack, and determinedly headed forward. Indeed, the house was close, it was simply another turn of the road before he spotted the gate. 

"Its about time!" Ranma exclaimed, happily, "I almost thought I wouldn't make it!" He shivered, remembering that strange feeling of being watched most of the way. With any luck, he'd never have to make the trip again. 

~~~ 

Sadie: *evil laugh* Ehehehehehe....we have ways of making you take the trip! Bwahahahaha! 

Hope: *edging away* You didn't take your medicine today, did you? 

~~~ 

He carefully smoothed out his skirt, hoping the tear wasn't too noticeable, and headed for the gate. The massive iron frame appeared heavy, but swung open easily to his touch. The courtyard beyond was empty. Ranma pouted. 

"How rude, there isn't even anyone here to greet me." He stomped his foot, then yelped, since his foot was very sore from walking and the stone walkway had that annoying habit all rocks have of being very hard and rather damaging when you attempt to stomp on them. Once he'd stopped hoping around on one foot, Ranma decided that he had better just go in and try to find someone. Or at least a bathroom. 

No one answered his shout at the door. In fact, the lack of people was getting really eerie. Rubbing his arms at the sudden chill, Ranma moved slowly down the main hall. Well, the place certainly look rich enough. "Helllooooooooooo!!" He bellowed. Silence. No wait, there was a sound of some sort. Ranma strained to listen. It...it sounded like someone running. And it was getting closer. 

~~~ 

Hope *announcer voice*: And once again we have the yearly Otaku Marathon! Where hordes of bishounen and bishoujo frantically attempt to out-race their obsessed, whipped cream wielding fans! 

Sadie: Oh, pooh, you mean I missed it? Darn, after I spent all that money on chocolate sauce and cherries, too. *sniff* 

~~~ 

From what he could tell, it was coming from his right, down the hall a ways. Now he could hear ragged breathing mixing with the steady 'thump-thump-thump' of striking feet. Ranma turned his head to look, but couldn't see a thing. [Jeez, who ever this is should be right on top of me by now, but I can't even see him! What the hell is going on?] 

A voice overlaid the running sounds. "Shhhhhhhhaaaaaaaammmmmpooooo!!" Suddenly, a wind brushed past, strong enough to ruffle his bangs, then..... 

***SLAM!!!!!***

Ranma blinked, then blinked again. The left hand wall now bore the impression of a body, arms and legs lifted in the mimicry of movement. There was a low moan, then the soft 'thud' of a body hitting the ground. 

[That was…weird…] Ranma seriously considered turning tail and running screaming into the woods. But…he'd gotten this far, he might has well try to meet Mr. "Tall Dark and Mysterious". Besides, invisible people running into walls was still better then being back home. 

"Hey, um…do you know where the Master of the house is?" Ranma called at the imprint. A groan answered him. "What was that? I didn't quite hear you." 

"Down…hall…ooohhh…l-l-library…" A pleasant sounding male voice moaned out. 

"Oh....thank you." Ranma lifted his skirt and gingerly stepped past the imprint in the wall, just in case there were any body parts in his path. 

~~~ 

Hope: 'Body parts'? Just how hard did he run into that wall? 

Sadie: I meant has a whole, not in pieces, you ninny. 

~~~ 

[This is just too crazy! What on earth has my idiot father gotten me into?] Ranma growled softly and hitched his traveling pack higher on his back. [I am sooo going to make him pay next time I see him.] He was so engrossed in his thoughts of revenge that he missed the fact that someone was standing in front of him. Until he bumped straight into that someone. 

"Ow!" Ranma cried, landing hard on his cute rear. "Watch where you're going you…" he trailed off and stared up in shock. The creature standing before was tall, black, imposing, and… 

"A giant pig!" 

"A boy!" The two shouted in unison. Ranma scrambled to his feet, only to get tangled in his skirt and go crashing back down. He settled for crossing his arms and glaring. 

"Of course I'm a boy! What did you expect?" 

The pig flicked an ear and grunted. "I was expecting a girl. You *are* Ranma? Genma's 'daughter'?" 

"Yes." Ranma's jaw dropped, "Ooh no, you are *not* the guy I was supposed to be meeting! Are you?" He added, hopefully meek. 

"If you're Ranma, then yes I am." Finally remembering his manners, such as they were, the pig offered his hoof. Ranma blinked at it, then grabbed it and hauled himself to his feet. "But…um…you're not….a daughter." The creature said haltingly. 

"Sure I am." [I am so going to kill my father.] 

"But…but…" The poor thing was at a complete loss. It seemed that turning into a man-sized pig and living among invisible people hadn't quite prepared him for Ranma. Not, of course, that anything could. "But…only girls are daughters…" 

"Oh, THAT," Ranma waved it off, "You see, my mom was a little loony. She figured that my father didn't deserve a son, so she raised me as a daughter until the day she died." 

"So, um, that's what the dress is all about...." 

"No, that's just me." 

"Oh." 

"Anyways, since I'm here, think I could have something to eat?" Ranma beamed, putting on his I'm-so-cute-and-innocent-that-there-is-nothing-sweeter-then-me-and-if-you-don't-give-me-what-I-want-I'll-keep-this-up-until-you-die-of-sugar-shock act. 

~~~ 

(Hope and Sadie shudder.) 

Sadie: Glad I don't have to see that. 

~~~ 

Feeling his bile rising, the pig turned away quickly. "Sure, I'll tell the cook to start something." 

"Great! Hey, you think I could go freshen up? I'm all a mess." [While I'm here, I better enjoy what this place has to offer.] 

The pig nodded. "I'm have Shampoo take you to your room." 

[My room? Ho, buddy, I'm staying here that long.] But the other was calling out for someone before Ranma had the chance to bring his thoughts to voice. 

"Nihao!" A female voice spoke almost directly in his ear. Ranma screamed and leapt forward, ending up clinging to the pig-man, who let out a startled squeal and tried to pry the clinging boy off of him. 

"Master call for Shampoo?" The voice came from thin air with no apparent origin. 

"Yes, I need you to…get off me!…take Ranma here to his…no! Don't put your hand there!…to his room…I said get off!" Finally managing to get Ranma free, the pig stepped back, huffing slightly. Ranma just brushed his skirt off demurely and smiled. 

"Okay! Ranma, you follow Shampoo's voice, yes?" 

"Um, yeah." Ranma said uneasily, looking around him. "Well, I'll see you in a bit....um, what is your name?" 

"Ryoga." 

"All right…Ryoga." waving, Ranma followed the voice and instruction of the invisible girl. 

~~~End Four 


	5. A little posion with dinner

**Beauty And the Pig: A Fractured Fairy Tale**

___________________ 

"This boy-dressed-like-girl's room. You like, yes?" The door was opened by unseen hands to show an elegant looking room furnished in red and gold. The massive bed could easily hold four people with room for extras, a fire was roaring the fireplace, the light from it dancing off the rug and deep red armchairs. Paintings and weaponry decorated the walls. Ranma was struck speechless. 

"You no like?" Shampoo inquired worriedly, "I suggest flower room for girl, but Master pick this room. But you no girl, should like this one…" 

"No, no, its perfect!" Ranma overrode her, stepping into it. The gentle warmth of the space surrounded him like a soothing blanket. He spotted an open door to his right. "Oh, cool! There's even a bathroom! Great, now I can get clean." There was a loud shuffling directly behind him and he twisted around. "Shampoo?" 

"Yes?" She spoke from the direction of the door. 

"Never mind." He dumped his travel pack on the bed, the mattress bending slightly under the weight. "I'm going to wash, I'll see you in a little bit." 

"O-kay!" The door closed. Ranma hesitated, approaching the door and waving his arms around it, not quite certain that the girl had left. After investigating the entire area around the door, Ranma nodded, satisfied. He quickly striped off his clothes, gathered his washing materials and headed to the bathroom. 

~~~ 

Sadie & Hope: Shower scene!! 

Crew Members: Whoo-hoo! 

~~~ 

Crossing the threshold, Ranma felt something give under his foot and heard a muffled sound. He jumped back quickly and looked around. There was nothing that he could have stepped on---the bathroom was empty. Frowning, he continued in and began to wash. 

But lets ignore that for a moment and move to a different angle. 

You see, the various inhabitance of the castle had been invisible for a few years now and in addition to being invisible to others, there are invisible to each other as well. Which meant sex involved a great deal of caution on the part of each member, not to mention a great deal of prat-falls. But that is neither here nor there. The point being, none of them had seen a naked person in quite a long while. 

So there was now a fairly large gathering in Ranma's bathroom. Even Ukyo had turned up, despite having sworn on her father's grave (utterly ignoring the fact that he's not dead yet) that she only liked girls and had no heterosexual tendencies what-so-ever thank-you-very-much. 

Back to our regularly scheduled point of view. 

Ranma sighed in delight has the warm water poured over his frame, soothing away the minor aches gathered by traveling. The clear droplets slid over his firm muscles, tracing a pattern down his broad back to curve upward over his tight, lovely, hot..... 

~~~ 

(Hope hits Sadie over the head with her plushie.) 

Hope: Stop describing his ass and get on with the story!! 

Sadie:*drooling over the illustrations* But that's the best part! 

Hope: That is beside the poi....*Sadie shows her the picture*....of course you are the one reading the story and it's entirely up to you. 

Sadie: Thank you. 

~~~ 

Once thoroughly soaked, Ranma bent over to grab his soap from the basket (causing a few nosebleeds), but the water on his hand caused the bar to slip from his grip and go flying to the side. There was loud yelp as it impacted…several feet from the wall. Ranma, however, missed this event, snagging the soap has it skidded back to him. 

He started to sing, loudly and off-key. 

"In the Jungle, the mighty Jungle, the lion sleeps tonight....." 

The large group sharing the bathroom with him began to wonder if this was such a good idea after all. 

* * *

Ryoga paced the confines of his room, hooves clicking on the wooden floor. The window was uncovered, letting in the dim evening light. His thoughts roared inside his head, causing him not hear Kuno's incessant raving and realize that he had gotten lost on the way to his real chambers. 

[This is not working out the way I hopped.] he worried, [The curse says that someone has to fall in love with me. Does it matter if it's a boy or a girl? He's seems to be interested enough, could I get him to love me? Do I want to?] 

That bothered him, but not seriously. Its not like he would have to *marry* the person who freed him from the curse or love them in return. Feeling a bit of a heel, Ryoga spent a minute convincing himself that it was worth being free of the curse. 

Feeling much better now, Ryoga finally noticed where he was. 

"Damnit!" 

* * *

Another invisible servant arrived to show Ranma the way to the dinning room. The table was laid out with plates, silverware, crystal glasses, and candles. A group of instruments played softly in the corner. Only the host was absent. 

"Chose a seat and wait a moment while we locate the master. It shouldn't take to long." the unnamed servant informed him. Ranma shrugged and sat down. The candlelight reflected pleasantly off the crystal. It was little under five minutes before the pig made his appearance. 

Ranma smiled at him, noting he had changed the yellow bandanna around his neck for a dark green one. "Hey, you made it! I was getting bored." He stood up. Ryoga paused, staring in surprise. "What is it?" 

"I just, I never imagined a guy could look so good in a dress." Ryoga blurted out, surprised. Ranma blinked and blushed slightly. He'd chosen a dark blue dress with gold embroidery around the collar. The bodice was sung enough to make it quite clear this was a male wearing it, yet still managed to look just right. The skirt feel sleekly around his legs, a knee high slit up the right side giving delightful glimpses of those same legs. For jewelry he wore only a gold chain necklace with a blue-crystal pendent and matching bracelets. 

"Oh, thank you. I've been told that before but…that was very sweet." he smiled. Ryoga looked flustered and babbled for a minute. 

"Yes, well, I've never seen another guy in a dress before and I thought only girls looked good that way and it just surprised me and....." 

"Okay, okay! I got you!" Ranma waved him silent and just stopped himself from rolling his eyes. This guy was seriously out of touch with society. Well, you couldn't blame him, he was a giant pig after all. "Shall we sit down?" 

"Oh, um, yea. That sounds good." Still somewhat flustered, though for the life of him he couldn't figure out why, Ryoga chose a seat at the other end of the table. 

It was a very long table. 

"So...nice weather we're having." 

"What?" 

"I SAID VERY NICE WEATHER WE'RE HAVING'!!" 

"Oh, yes, very nice indeed." 

"Little louder, I can't hear you!" 

"WHAT?" 

"YOU NEED TO SPEAK LOUDER!" 

"'EAT CHOWDER'?!?" 

"NO, SPEAK LOUDER!" 

"OH!" 

Brief silence. 

"SO, DO YOU THINK IT'S GOING TO RAIN?" 

"NO, I DON'T...oh, fuck this." Ranma gathered up his skirts, shoved back his chair, and stomped around the table to where Ryoga was. "That was getting stupid." He sat next to Ryoga. The pig had to agree. 

A floating wine bottle approached them and filled their glasses. "Dinner will be along shortly." 

"Good, thank you." 

Ranma sipped at his glass. Ryoga sipped at his. 

The fire burned. 

The candles melted. 

Somewhere else in the castle, someone came out of the closet, figuratively and literally. 

[This boy isn't much for conversation is he?] "Sooo.....what do you do around here?" 

"Hmm? Oh, well, I read, play 'Guess the Servant," 

~~~ 

Sadie: A vastly entertaining game, I've heard. Sadly, it can only be played in magical castles with invisible people, so it hasn't quite reached the national level. 

Hope: So much the pity.... 

Sadie: You're mocking me, aren't you? 

~~~ 

"---and I train a lot...." 

"'Train'? Like Martial Arts?" Ranma inquired eagerly, leaning on the table. Ryoga nodded, seemingly pleased with the subject. 

"Yes, all the time." 

Finally finding something they both agreed with, the two talked enthusiastically for the next ten to fifteen minutes when the food arrived. The plates were pushed in on a rolling tray, quickly filling the room with appetizing aromas. Ranma started to drool and wiped at his mouth. Soon has the plates were on the table, he attacked them. 

Ryoga watched for second before realizing he wasn't going to get any unless he moved. A moment later, he was fighting Ranma for food possession. 

"That's my plate!" 

"You snooze, you loose!" 

Missed bits of food went flying in the air, but most of it went down their throats. Ryoga started on the second course before Ranma had the chance to. He was just lifting the first bite up to his mouth… 

When it was slapped out of his hand. The plates themselves were also snatched away before anymore could be eaten. 

"Hey! What's the meaning of this?!?" Ryoga demand, an angry aura turning the air around him red. There were audible swallows. 

"Aww, and that was my favorite too...." Ranma mourned, licking the tins of his empty fork. 

"S-sorry, sir. B-b-but Kodachi put potions in the food again when Ukyo wasn't looking." Someone stammered. Ryoga sighed in defeat and rested his hoof against his forehead. 

"Why me?" 

"What's up? Whose this Kodachi?" 

"The cook. Or one of them at least. She keeps on poisoning the food." 

Ranma made a face and pushed one of the empty plates further from him. "Why don't you just fire her?" 

"It's rather hard to fire someone you can't see. So far I've fired three candle sticks and a dust mop." 

"That's harsh." 

"Yes, the dust mop had been with the family a long time too." 

"Umm...." Ranma coughed lightly into his hand. [Well, I've eaten, time to ditch this mess.] He opened his mouth to tell Ryoga it was time for him to go. 

"Sh-sh-shall we g-g-g-go for a w-walk in the-the-the....." Ryoga stuttered hopelessly, glancing frantically around him. Finally, some servant took pity on him and whispered in his ear, "...garden?" 

"Well, I...." [Oh, hell, why not? Its not like I've got anything else to do and he is kinda sweet...in a dorky, giant pig way.] "Oh, all right. For a little bit." 

"Good!!" Ryoga yelped, a little loudly. He blushed and motioned for Ranma to follow him out to the back of the castle. 

~~end part five 


	6. Where Fairy Tales end

**Beauty And the Pig: A Fractured Fairy Tale**

___________________ 

"This is so…so…wow! Ryoga! However did you grow these roses?" Ranma asked in awe, trailing away from Ryoga's side to better look at the garden. 

"Its my gardener," The cursed boy answered with a shrug, still oddly pleased with Ranma's delight. The other boy looked rather nice framed by the luminescent flowers. Abruptly, Ranma bent over and pulled something from the rose bed. 

"Does he have anything to do with this straw doll full of pins?" 

Ryoga sweatdropped, seeing what Ranma held. "You know what? I don't ask and he doesn't tell." 

"Ah." He calmly tossed it back into the garden and wiped his hand on his skirt. A cluster of tie-dye roses caught his attention and he ran over to check them out. "So, just how did you end up as a giant pig?" Ranma called over his shoulder. 

With a sigh, Ryoga settled on a stone bench where he could see Ranma and played with his bandanna. "It's really complicated. And somewhat embarrassing." 

"Oh? Whatcha do, fall in cursed spring or something?" 

"No…I just…said 'no' to the wrong person." he lightly clicked his hoof against the bench, deciding to ignore the kissy noises Ranma was making at the koi in the fishpond. "I went walking one day and I well, got lost. So I asked this really old woman for directions, but she just kept pointing at trees! I got frustrated and ran away. I kept running until I came to this large house. A sorceress lived there and when I asked for help, she told me that in order to earn her help, I must become her slave for two years." 

"Freaky." Ranma said, glancing up at the pig-boy. 

"That wasn't the end of it." Ryoga lamented, "She said that during those two years, I would have to live in a strange alter-dimension where I was in love with a girl who didn't feel the same for me, there was this one guy who was always beating me up but I could never win against him, and all this terrible strange stuff would keep on happening to me!" 

"What a loon!" Ranma announced, sharing an appalled look with Ryoga. 

~~~ 

Hope: *nervously* Don't you think its a bad idea to insult the Her like that? 

Sadie: Only if She finds out. But seriously, have you read some of the stuff on the net? I do believe I am _way_ down on Her hit list. 

Hope: If you say so. *continues to looks around fearfully.* 

~~~ 

"Tell me about it. Either way, I said no and she turned me into a giant pig and made everyone in my castle invisible until...." He broke off. Best to tell not Ranma how the curse was broken. 

"Until what?" The pig-tailed boy pushed, moving aside bush leaves in order to investigate some odder-looking blossoms. He's mouth dropped open when he found they were covered in porno pictures. 

"Until…until she says so." Ryoga finished uneasily. It felt very odd to talk to another person for so long. The servants and their families in the castle normally kept to themselves and didn't talk to him unless to confirm orders or tell him when food was ready. He's own family had left when he was child, so he was pretty much used to quiet and entertaining himself. 

"Ah, okay." Ranma carefully stepped free of the bushes he'd been digging through, ever mindful of thorns. He'd collected a nice little bundle of roses. "Is it all right if I keep these?" 

[Asking after he's already picked them….] Ryoga stared in dismay at the plucked blossoms that were rapidly losing their color. With a sigh of defeat, he nodded. "Sure. I'll have one the servants get a vase for your room." 

"See, that's another thing," Ranma said, rubbing the back of his neck. "I'm really not gonna to be staying here long enough to need a room. I'll probably stay tonight, seeing how late it is, but I'm gone tomorrow." 

"What?!" Ryoga flared, jumping to his feet. Ranma blinked. 

"Look, I'm sorry. I don't know what my touchan told you…oh, jeez, " He sighed as Ryoga started to glow red and quiver. "Don't get all upset about it. If you really means that much to you, I'll stay an extra night. Being as I'm a such a nice person and everything." 

Ryoga took a few deep breaths, hind hooves digging into the dirt. "Just what did your father tell you about coming here?." He said slowly, forcing the words out around his anger. 

"Just that you wanted to meet me. Its been real nice and all that, but my sisters really do need my at home." [Yeah, right.] 

"That…that…" Ryoga trailed off into a line of insults. At least Ranma thought they were insults, he didn't recognize half of what the pig-boy was saying. He made mental notes for later. Finally getting himself back under control, Ryoga fixed Ranma with a sharp look. "Your father came into my home to steal from me. In exchange for his freedom, he promised one of his daughters to me." 

There was a long moment of silence in which Ranma stared blankly at Ryoga. Slowly but surely, the pieces fell together in his mind. 

A loud, horrible roar filled the garden. 

~~~ 

Sadie: *deep, eerie voice* Kushinada...... 

Hope: *blink, blink* 

Sadie: Sorry. 

~~~ 

Several hours later, Ranma stood dirty, worn, and tattered in the front courtyard. There appeared to be nothing more then a scant hundred yards of empty space between him and the gate---and beyond that, only a few miles before he could beat his father into red play-do---but he knew it was so much more than that. For before him was an army of invisible warriors wielding all manner of weapons: from spatulas, chains and whips, to wooden swords, ribbons, and even some exploding pastries. 

Ranma was an expert Martial Artist and so had no trouble fighting an unseen enemy. However, a few hundred unseen enemies was a bit much, even for him. Add to that the fact they were all better-than-decent Martial Artists and it was no wonder he was feeling rather overwhelmed. 

But he was Saotome Ranma, and nothing, not a giant pig, not an army of invisible soldiers, was going to keep him from his goal! 

"Ranma! Master want me to tell you, breakfast is ready!" 

…well, the fighting could wait until after food. Its not like anyone was going anywhere. Then maybe he could take a shower, since he was getting rather dirty, and perhaps a nap since he had been fighting all night… 

~~~ 

Sadie: *in dignified, documentary voice* To make a long story short..... 

Crew: Too late! 

Sadie: *ignoring them*...I'm going give an overview of the following chapters. No one really wants to know all the details, right? 

Hope: *waving arms around* Oh, me! Me! I want the details! I like details! 

Sadie: Like potty breaks, teeth brushing, the hours spent asleep.... 

Hope: Never mind. *muttering* Kill joy. 

~~~ 

Things fell into a pattern over the next two months. Ranma would fight the palace servants for hours at a time, only to be distracted by food, sleep, or new clothing. He would rest a few hours, or maybe even a day or two, then go back to fighting for his freedom. 

During that rest time, he and Ryoga got to know each other better. It was found that in addition to Martial Arts, they also shared the same interest in food and interior design (don't ask). Ryoga was also a romantic at heart and every now and again built up the courage to ask Ranma to watch the sunset with him or do other romantic couple-type activities. Ranma was surprised to find that before he was cursed, Ryoga had spent most of his childhood on the road, mainly looking for his family, and the cross-dressed boy enjoyed the stories Ryoga had to tell him of those adventures. 

The time between fights became longer and longer, and the fights themselves became fewer and fewer (much to the unmeasurable relief of the palace servants) and the two boys became ever closer. Whether Ryoga knew it or was in a state of denial---the most likely, seeing as this is Ryoga---but he had fallen deeply in love with Ranma. This served to cause him only greater anxiety, since Ranma had not admitted his love and may not feel that way about him. 

Ranma could not leave unless Ryoga said so, Ryoga was unable to tell his feelings and Ranma didn't state his. So, they were caught at a stalemate. Until one day… 

* * *

"So, should I use the flowers or the stripes?" 

"Stripes. They go better with the wallpaper." 

"You're right." Ryoga cast a grin over his shoulder and selected the blue-and-white stripe curtains. Ranma forced a weak grin, playing with the hem of his shirt. For once, the boy was dressed in a loose pair of black pants and matching long shirt. His father would have been proud, but again, his father was the main reason Ranma had pushed wearing girl clothes. 

Ryoga paused in his re-decorating to glance worriedly at the other boy. Ranma had been very quiet the past few days and the pig-boy was beginning to miss the sound of his companion's chatter. With a sigh, he hooked the curtains in place and shuffled over to crouch next to Ranma. 

"Okay, what is it?" 

"Wha…?" Ranma blinked, looking up from his deep, life-affirming contemplation of a spot on the carpet. 

"You've been moping the past few days. What's wrong?" Ryoga's deep brown eyes were softened with concern. Ranma looked uneasily away from them. 

"I…" he paused, then took a deep breath, "Iknowyoudon'twantmetogobutIreallyreallyneedtoseemyfamilyandtakecareofsomethingsandIpromiseI'llbebackinafewdayssomayIleaveplease?" 

Ranma finished with a gasp, then promptly passed out from lack of oxygen. 

~~~~ 

Hope: *snicker* He must have failed Duo's Talking For Long Periods of Time Without Breathing So Other People Can't Interrupt Class. 

Sadie: But he wasn't breathing, that's why he passed out. 

Hope: Part of the class is how not to pass out. 

Sadie: Ah.... 

~~~ 

Ranma awoke to water being splashed on his face. Yelping, he jerked upright, blinking through damp bangs. 

"You passed out." Ryoga said, holding an empty vase in one hand and sounding apologetic. 

"I remember." He pulled a limp flower from his hair. [He could have at least removed the plant life.] Suddenly, he giggled. "Oh, Ryoga." 

"Nani?" The cursed boy wondered, somewhat miffed. 

Ranma looked up at him, Prussian blue eyes sparkling. "You're my friend, aren't you?" 

Ryoga's heart tightened painfully. "Of course I am." 

"Well, would it be all right if I left for a few days to see my family?" He asked imploringly. Ryoga started to bristle. 

"You can't…" 

"Not forever!! Please, Ryoga...." he smiled with all the sweetness and innocence he could muster, "You're my friend. I'll be back soon, I promise." 

"Why do you need too? You everything you could ever want right here!!" Ryoga snapped back, pacing back and forth with annoyance. "Clothes, food, entertainment, companionship, lo...." he stopped himself heartbeats before saying 'love'. 

"I know. That's why I like it here," Ranma said demurely, "But that doesn't change the fact that I still have unfinished business back home. I'll never be…truly at peace until I tend to it." 

When Ryoga continued to hesitate, Ranma pulled out the big guns. 

The Big Guns being wide, wobbly eyes, a pout and the killer words; "Don't you like me anymore?" 

Bingo. 

* * *

Ryoga watched from the southeast tower as Ranma, once again in his familiar skirts, left the estate. There was a terrible sinking feeling in his stomach, which could have been due to Kodachi messing with the food again, but somehow..... 

...he feared it was much worse than that. 

* * *

"Konichi wa!!" 

Seated out in the front yard with the sewing, Kasumi looked up to see her youngest 'sister' heading down the road to the gate. "Oh, Ranma, I've been wanting to talk to you." 

Ranma paused in his leap over the fence, perched balanced on the pointed top. "Ara? You have?" 

"Yes," a concerned look covered Kasumi's face, "Ranma, I'm really worried about you. You haven't been eating at all and you're bed's not been slept in. You don't talk ever and I don't see you around the house…please, please tell what is wrong!" 

"**.……**" Ranma fell off the fence, landing in the garden with an *umph*. He shoved himself up to his feet. "Kasumi! I've been gone for nearly three months!" 

"Gone?" Kasumi's doe like eyes blinked, uncertain. 

"Yes, Kasumi," he spoke slowly, like talking to a particularly dim child, "Gone. Far, far away. Not anywhere near the house. Physically not present." 

"Oh...." She blinked a few more times. "Well then, welcome home." Content with the resettling of her world, Kasumi returned to her sewing. Ranma shook his head. 

[And I lived with this woman? Jeez, I never even noticed what an idiot she is....] He sighed and brushed dirt and dried plants off his skirt. There was a commotion at the door. 

"Oi! Kasumi! Are you going to fix dinner soon?" Genma demanded, swinging his large bulk through the doorway. He froze in absolute shock at the sight of the boy standing in the front yard. "R...r...ranma..ma..ma...." 

"Hey, touchan, long time no see...." Ranma drawled, rolling up the sleeves of his top. 

Genma squeaked. 

* * *

Sometime later, after dinner had been made and Genma had been peeled off the porch, the three sister's sat down to properly greet their youngest back with al the necessary love and affection. 

"So where the hell have you been?" Nabiki demanded without preamble. 

"Oh right, like touchan didn't tell you." Ranma snapped back around his ramen. "I'll even bet you egged him on." 

"Maybe, but we didn't think you were going to be gone for so long!" Akane insisted, some guilt shinning through her words, "We were really worried you'd gotten hurt or killed or....or....!" 

"All your underwear was dirty." Kasumi finished mournfully. There was a collective eyebrow twitch, then the airhead was firmly ignored. 

"Well, I wasn't hurt or anything. I just really, really," a dreamy smile crossed his lips, "Really, really...." 

"We get the point!" 

"…liked it at Ryoga's castle." 

"But wasn't he a giant pig?" Nabiki inquired, eyebrow raised. 

Ranma shifted. "Yeah, but it's just a curse. He's a nice guy either way." 

"A curse? Ranma, those things can be really dangerous. I mean," Akane leaned forward, "What if the only way for him to break the curse is with a virgin sacrifice?" 

"Uhh...." Ranma turned red, "But! But if that was the case, why didn't he do it when I first showed up, huh?" 

Kasumi rolled her eyes, "Really, Ranma, don't you know anything? To be affective, virgin sacrifices can only be performed on the night of the full moon when the constellation Taurus is in the house of Pluto, which won't be for another week. And of course you have to gather the proper herbs and hand make a white shift out of non-animal materials." Oblivious to the stares of her family, Kasumi returned to the white cotton dress she was sewing. 

Wind wooshed. 

Birds sang. 

~~~ 

Hope: The audience waited. 

~~~ 

"Ryoga isn't going to kill me." Ranma said finally, with more conviction then he felt. 

"He doesn't have to *kill* you. There are other ways to sacrifice a virgin." Nabiki said, almost leering. 

[Now *that* I wouldn't mind....] 

"He could also torture you for black magic....." 

"Or feed you to demons....." 

"Or force you to watch Barney videos...." 

"Or...." 

"Or...." 

"Enough!" Ranma yelped, still shaking after the last one. 

"Ranma," Akane said softly, reaching over to grab her sister's hand. "I know it may not seem like it, but we do care about you. Please, please just stay with us. For....for a week at least, until the full moon is over. Okay?" 

Ranma hesitated, remembering his promise. "I....only for a week?" 

"Sure." Akane smiled. 

"All right then. For a week." 

"Besides, these inter-species relationships never work." 

"**.......**" 

______________ 

So a week passed and Ranma's sisters found more reasons for him to stay. Another week went by, and another.....and it began to seem the time with Ryoga was only a dream.....then another week.... 

.....And one day, Ranma, with no warning at all, was dive-bombed by one of those fly-by moments of insight that attack us all. "I love Ryoga." 

"What was that?" 

Ranma blinked, shocked by the thought and the words. He turned to look at where Kasumi was washing clothes. "I love Ryoga." he repeated, a broad, warm feeling spreading through him and expanding his chest. 

[I love him, I really do. The way he talks, that adorable look he gets on his face when he's confused, the way he starts tearing thing apart when he's really happy…all of it. I love him.] Suddenly, the strange nagging feeling his had the past few days came to the front. 

"Oh my God!! Ryoga!! The promise!!" He lunged to his feet, "How could I have been so *stupid*?!?!" 

"Imouto-chan?" Kasumi said, baffled by Ranma's outburst. Ranma scowled at her. 

"Stop calling me that, I'm not your damned sister." With that, he jumped over the fence and vanished off down the road at full tilt. 

Kasumi smiled brightly. "Goodbye, Ramna-kun." 

~~~ 

Hope: So the baka finally figured it out. *she reaches into the couch cushions and pulls out a flag* Go Ranma, go!! 

(Sadie reaches into the couch to pull out her own flag, but ends up with a pair of blue boxers instead.) 

Sadie: *reading the tag* 'Property of Chang Wufei'? 

~~~ 

Ranma dismounted the horse he's stolen just outside the gate to Ryoga's castle. Some of the servants must have been watching for him because the gate swung open, missing him by centimeters, soon as his feet touched the ground. 

"Where is Ryoga?" he called, rushing into the courtyard. He was instantly stopped by the application of a large flat object to the top of his head. "Ite!!" 

"*That's* for running of for so long," came the distinctive voice of Ukyo. "And *this*," **::WHAP::** "Is for breaking Master Ryoga's heart and *this*" **::WHAP:: ::WHAP:: **"Is because I feel like it. Now, Ryoga is in his room, moping." 

"Th..tha..than'k 'ooo." Ranma clutched his aching head and staggered into the manor. By the time he reached the stairs, the ringing in his ears had stopped. Which was good since he was forced to dodge the various weapons thrown at him by irate servants. [Ryoga's more popular then he thought.] 

Finally, he made it to Ryoga's room, shoving open the door to find the pig-boy curled on his side. Ryoga lay unmoving. 

"Oh no! Ryoga, don't be dead!" Ranma wailed, pouncing the bed and clinging frantically to the immobile form. "I'm so sorry I broke my promise! I'm so sorry I didn't come back when I said I would!" 

"Get off me." 

Ranma blinked and pulled back. Ryoga turned over slightly and glared at him. Relief flooded Ranma. "You're okay." 

"Of course I am, I was asleep." 

"Oh." 

Ryoga continued to glare. "What do you want? Come back from laughing at me with your sisters to further torture the poor, helpless cursed boy?" he tone was scathing and Ranma winced away from it. 

"No! I would never laugh at you! I'm sorry I didn't come back sooner," He looked down at his clenched hands. "I should have known better then to listen to my sisters." 

Ryoga wasn't buying it. "Why did you came back, Ranma?" 

The pig-tailed martial artist took a deep, steadying breath. "Because.....because...." 

"Well?" 

"Because....._I love you._" the last nearly whispered. Ranma closed his eyes, waiting for answer. There was none. [God, he must really hate me.] Moisture began to gather in his eyes. Light shinned through his eyelids, but he didn't notice.... when a soft, warm hand cupped his cheek. 

Ranma gasped, eyes flying open in shock. Sprawled next to him on the bed was a beautiful young man, with brown hair held back by a yellow bandanna, and Ryoga's chocolate brown eyes. It was his hand against Ranma's cheek. "Ryoga....?" The bewildered boy breathed. 

"Yes," The other smiled, like the sun coming over the hills. "Its me. Ranma....." the name was like a caress and Ranma shivered. "You broke the curse." 

"I did?" 

"Hai." The smile grew brighter, if such was really possible, "I love you." Ranma's breath caught in his throat as he was pulled down for the first of many, searing, loving kisses......and the beginning of Happily Ever After. 

~~~~~~~~ 

(Sadie breaks off reading and turns the page, looking confused. She turns the page back and forth.) 

Hope: That's it? Where's the rest of the fic? 

Sadie: There isn't anymore. Just a page that says "Passworded for protection of the innocent." 

Hope: *enraged* WHAT INNOCENTS?!?!? 

Crew Member: They're coming! They're coming!! 

Hope: No they're not! We haven't gotten that far yet! 

(The yelling crew member runs across the set and is quickly followed by a horde of shouting, howling, leather clad, sword swinging....) 

Sadie: Vikings. 

(The horde over runs the set, shoving and jostling each other, and after long moments vanish to the other side. Sadie is sitting stunned on the couch, Hope is nowhere in sight, and the wall scroll behind them is gone. Sounds of chaos and thrown items come from where the Vikings had passed through. A few screams ring out and a female crewmember rushes out with a Viking in hot pursuit. Sadie reaches into the couch and pulls out a walkie-talkie.) 

Sadie: Um, Jerico, did you feed the Vikings today? 

(A faint, sheepish voice breaks through the static.) 

Jerico: Oops. 

(The horde comes charging through again, now carrying a food table and several crewmembers on their shoulders. A gleeful "Whee!" can be heard amidst the screaming. They pass quickly and are gone. In the following silence, Hope crawls from under the couch, holding Tasuki's tessen in one hand.) 

Hope: Who the hell has been using your couch, neechan? *looks around* What's the damage? 

Crew member1: They got all the food. 

Crew member2: And they napped Jennifer, Bill, Mike, and a few others. 

Sadie: Ack! They took the book! Now we'll never get to the lemon! 

Hope: *eyes flaming* They took my Saturn plsuhie!!! Noooo!! 

(She rips away her jamies to show a leather outfit that would turn Xena green with envy, pulls out a massive broad sword from-somewhere and runs off after the Vikings.) 

Sadie: Damn, we better go after her. Every one, arm up! *smiles at the camera* Thank you for viewing and we hope to see you back again soon. 

(Screen goes black) 

~~End 

___________________ 

Because ff.net is a (censored) in order to read the NC-17 ending for this fic, all (adult) perverts direct yourselves this way: http://scatterwind.com/dg/fiction/ar/beautylemon.htm 


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